PROPS DUE

Sharmadean's touched on this before but I've just got to echo her warm sentiments on GirlPROPS, the online jewellery store 'for girls of all ages'. Just been down the post office to pick up my new collection (had to pay a £16 customs charge though...screwing!) which consists of the following beautiful bits of decorative bric-a-brac:



Ooh, matron!
The next two are rings...



I know the door-knockers thing is kind of played out now but I couldn't resist.

I've just realised that I NEVER usually reveal to people where I get my shit from, so if you ever hear me lying to some girl in a club about how I had got these from a tiny boutique in the backstreets of Tokyo then please keep shtum ; )

THE DIARY - 800 RAP HITS IN THE MIX

Check out this new mixtape by self-appointed mixtape champion of the world Chris Read. It's called The Diary and it's a chronological mix of rap's landmark recordings by order of release from 1979-2007. I don't see 'Pray' by MC Hammer on the tracklist so that can't be true, but with 801 other tracks on there, I'm sure you'll find something to tickle your fancy.

Download The Diary mixtape and tracklisting

I DID TWENTY MEN IN ONE NIGHT AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY ATTITUDE

So, speed dating.

Yeah.

Listen, I know you're probably thinking that I didn't make any effort or turned up like some scruffy stush screwface but I didn't. I smiled a lot, I was very nice to everyone in equal measure, I made all of them laugh. I didn't wear trainers. That's deep. That's effort.

But it was sooooooooooooooooo dry. God, it was dry.

I don't even have any funny or embarrassing stories to tell. Except for the fact that I arm-wrestled one of them, forced another to dance, asked a guy from Oxford why he had such a strong (FAKE) cockney accent even though he'd lived in London for five minutes and then made a French dude speak in his best cockney accent for my own amusement (and sanity), it was a totally nondescript and stupidly average night.

My friend hated it too. Actually she'd been saying "Let's sack it off, let's sack it off..." since 4pm. I think "Let's sack it off" is slang for "Do you mind if we don't go?" in Banbury. After it ended, she said she felt dirty. I don't think she likes me anymore.

When I got home, I had a lovely message from one of the randoms.

Hello Josephine
How are you doing? Im still not decided about you. I would like to meet up again for a tea and some stimulating conversation?
Do you know how to use a telephone? My number is ************. This is the number you type into the phone to talk to other people who also have mobile phones.
Get in touch and let us know
Speak soon
Geoffrey
X

That kind of sums up the whole evening. I don't reckon I'll be keeping in touch.

SPEED HATING

I'm having palpitations right now cos I just remembered that tomorrow, for a laugh, I'm going speed dating. Hilarious! I'm sure it'll be a riot! Chatting shit to loads of randoms looking for love! What a laugh! Hahahahahahahaha! I'm shitting myself! I don't want to go! God help me! GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will let you know how it goes. Would try some secret filming but not sure if its legal.

If anyone out there has been speed dating and has time to give me any tips, then please go ahead. Shoot.

No really, shoot. Shoot me. I'm already dying here.

FIRST LADY

Disney have created their first ever black princess character for upcoming New-Orleans based flick, 'The Frog Princess'. Her name's Maddy and she joins eight other Disney princess characters, who have generated $3 billion in global retail sales since 1999. Woweezy. Disney Princesses is the fastest-growing brand for the company’s Consumer Products division so they were about ready to cash in on the black pound/dollar.

The House of Mouse introduced its first non-white animated heroine in 1992's Aladdin: the parachute panted but burka free bad-girl, Jasmine. Three years later they hit the native Americans with Pochahontas (that colours of the wind song was HOT)

THEN we got our Chinese heroine Mulan in 1998. The rest? Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Beauty (not technically royalty but whatever) and The Little Mermaid.

Maddy's got natural hair and everything - got to love that Disney team. It's been a long time coming but if I'd had this maybe I'd have spent fewer play-times running round with a cardigan over my head emulating flowing princess locks. Then again, probably not. Let's hope they don't oversaturate the poor thing with Ebonics and characters doing wacky 'ethnic' hand gestures and shrieking about things - no doubt they'll play up a Voodoo element. Call me in for the focus group I say, I'll tell em what's what.

It only took 84 years - better late than never.

I HEART R.CRUMB

AYE AYE MISSY!

LESBIAN PIRATES! I love history...

MURAKAMI NAILS!

I love the nail art resurgence of late....taking me back to my youth! Back in Middle and High School, I stayed at the nail salon on Crenshaw and Stocker. For my junior prom, I had them put actual dollar bills on me, French Tip stylee. Other designs I kept in rotation included airbrushed beach scenes (my fave!), Pepto-Bismol pink with white and silver streaks, and other flyy madness (I got stories!). When I saw the Murakami exhibit at MOCA in downtown LA, I was instantly inspired..... well, inspired enough to tell homegirl who hooked me up at Valley what I wanted! Them shits took nearly 3 hours. Alex kept calling me like... "you done yet?!"

xo$
Jaq

SHAKE A LEG WITH THE GODFATHER

Going out this weekend but worried that your dance moves are getting a little rusty? Let the master show you how it should be done.

FAFI x MAC!!

Ooowee ladies ladies LADIES! We can barely contain our enthusiasm. Not!

Au Naturale can be cool... but let's not front like we all don't need a lil bit of extra help sometimes. Finalement.... super flyy packaging courtesy of wunderwoman FAFI to compliment a few of our "necessities".









We will be standing in line. Trust.

xo$
Alex and Jaq

p.s. We've been sooo absent as of late (hustle hustle hustle cry cry cry, ya dig?!) But we're back now. How we've missed you all!!!

THE PEOPLE VS

STILL...

TIP OF THE DAY

Sunglasses cases make great tampon holders...

HOUSEBOUND ESSENTIALS #2

TRIXIE CHIX

So I was listening to Resonance FM's Bike Show online when I came an across an episode featuring Roxy Erickson, a girl who runs a GIRL ONLY bike club in LONDON, which obviously rings our WAH bells.


They're called Trixie Chix, they meet every Tuesday in Old Street for beer and bikes and you can get hold of them at their Myspace. I only have BMX's so I can't even compete. I might have to get a bigger bike...

PARTIES PARTIES PARTIES

All I've done in New York is drink and get myself into trouble. I can't wait to return to London, work and books...

OH BRITNEY..

Sign 'O' the times.

HOUSEBOUND

Seeing as I'm housebound...essential reading...

SOS!!!

Last night me and Kesh went out, drank like a fish in Max Fish. Watched Todd Jordan get molested by a girl on a moving fairground horse. Rode the mechanical bull in the rodeo bar Mason Dixon again in 6 inch heels, bust my lip running to the mechanical bull. Sprained my ankle getting off the bull.


Then went to a club. dropped something off the floor, when i pulled back my hand, there was a bloody stump where my fingernail shoulda been. Someone had trodden on my finger and broke my nail clean off! It was bleeding everywhere!! I had to go home. Someone is punishing me!

I can't leave the house cuz my ankle is fucked and i have no food, i can't order food because i have no cards because readers will remember that i lost my wallet before i left the country.. I look homeless and I smell even worse. If somebody....anybody is out there PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

(and bring me a coffee)

IN PRAISE OF...THE TRIO