SILENT BUT VIOLENT

I caught that pesky cold that's doing the rounds last weekend. I took a couple of days off work this week but then decided that I'd rather sit in the office than be at home watching Lovejoy and Jerry Springer. Have you seen Jerry Springer lately? Now it's not just the guests who are skanky, the AUDIENCE actually get their tits out and pole dance on the stage too!

Anyway, I thought I was over the illness, but after torturing my already tender throat by going to Guanabara, a Brazilian bar where you need a frickin loudspeaker just to talk to the person next to you, I ended up:

1. sounding like a dirty cock-sucking crackwhore; and then


2. losing my voice completely.

Yes, anyone who knows me will be delighted to learn that I can't talk.

So far, a few people have tried to take advantage of my condition by taking the piss out of me in a really big way, knowing that I can't respond with my usual venom and wit. I feel like I can use this blog as a platform to let those people know, and any others that encounter me today, that I may not be able to speak, but I will take great pleasure in smashing your face in with my fully functional fists of fury.

Good day.