Monday, July 09, 2007

WHATS SO FREAKING GOOD ABOUT FACEBOOK? HUH?


"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."

Thus readeth the opening lines of one of my favourite novels, 1984 by George Orwell. And how well he predicted the rise of our surveillance society, with London apparently topping the list for the most CCTV cameras per head in the world. Big Brother is definitely in the house. And lately, he seems to be showing up in the strangest places...


Everyone's been on at me to get on Facebook and this week I finally buckled under the pressure and set up a page. A few days later and my feelings are summed up by the text on my page which reads:

Josephine is finding this site shit.

I hate it and I'll tell you why.

1. Facebook isn't about meeting new people; it's a site purely for people that you are already friends with. So you already know how to contact them. If you didn't know how to contact them it's because you fell out of touch with them. If you fell out of touch with them it means that you probably didn't give a fuck about them anyways. I'm getting added by people and I'm like 'Shit, I thought I ditched you in 1997.' So why don't you just stay there, fool?

2. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU...I don't mind people reading my blogs and comments on MySpace. But I would mind if every time I wrote a comment every single person in my entire friends list got notified, meaning I have to watch what I say at all times in case someone from my work catches me calling them a cocksucking cunt. Or if every time some random picture of me was uploaded every single motherfucker got to see it even though I look like a fucking crackhead in it with red eyes and dark panda circles and fucking spinach in my teeth. That shit is way too BB for me.

3. Another benefit is that you can 'poke' people (and believe me, this has been sold as a benefit to me by about ten people). Do I look like I have time for that shit? If I wanted to be poked by an electronic object I'd take a trip down to Ann Summers. Again.

4. On Facebook, everyone's page looks the same. No personality or nothing. It's fucking drier than Martini Extra Dry.

I'm giving that site, and you, the marvelous readers of WAH, seven, no scrap that, FIVE working days to convince me that it will add value to my life or I'm pulling the plug.

Speak now or forever hold your peace...

UPDATE: Josephine cancelled her Facebook. She now has a successful career as a travelling Ann Summers saleswoman and is happily married. To Jesus.

6 comments:

SHAR WAH! said...

HEAR HEAR!!!! U SO RIGHT!

DIANNE said...

AMEN GIRL! the fact that everyone can read the comment you posted for someone else is the worst.

Niranjela said...

PULL THA PLUG!,
PULL THA PLUG!,
PULL THA PLUG!

First there was telephones, then moblie phones, then email, then msn, then myspace....now facebook!?!
how much more new technology do we need to stay in touch???
ima get one of those big african drums an start hollaring @ peeps through that.

josephine said...

ok, so you guys are with me on this...but is no-one going to come to facebook's defence? i know there are some fans lurking in the shadows somewhere!

bisola said...

i like(d) facebook, it started as a college networking tool, but now that it's open to everyone under the sun it's become a bit creepier. I don't have a myspace but i hear that facebook is adding all those applications to be like myspace. Myspace always came off as creepy because there were always stories about creepy men stalking and girls gatting kidnapped/running away. Facebook isn't like that.

Myspace= making new friends
Facebook= getting reconnected with old friends and making new ones at your university.

that was too long and i ramble sorry.
I love your blog, any way i could get your magazine in LA?

josephine said...

Loving your use of the word 'creepy' in this context - it's under-used I reckon!

Well, only one person defended it so I have now closed my page.

And for more eveidence of the Big Brother nature of Facebook check out this link: http://media.guardian.co.uk/site/story/0,,2128264,00.html

Bastards.